1. I will play the game of rugby for rugby's sake.
2. I will not remember the score at the end of the match.
3. If I "made it" during my playing days, I will not use that to embarrass others.
4. If I didn't "make it" during my plays, I will not use the Golden Oldies to do so.
5. I will at all times during the match respect the older and more decrepit members of the other team.
6. I will follow the Golden Oldies philosophy of fun, irreverence, and self-indulgence.
7. I will be an ambassador of Golden Oldies and always spread the good word.
8. I will never lose sight of the rule to make friends and renew acquaintances in exotic places.
9. I will always remember that I'm at far greater risk in what I may do to myself or have done to me socially than anything that might happen to me
on the pitch.
10. There are only nine Golden Oldies commandments because memory fails with age.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Rugby Rituals
Seeing as how the All Blacks heighten their motivation by performing "The Haka" before their world cup games, the other nations were asked to suggest appropriate pre-match rituals of their own.
The Scottish (Len's team will chant "You lookin' at me Jimmy?" before smashing an Irn Bru bottle over their opponent's heads.
The Irish team will spilt into two, with the Southern half performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional Route from their dressing room to the pitch, via the Southern Half's dressing room.
The Argentineans will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition territory, claim it as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and then be forcibly removed by the Stewards.
Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important than the other thirteen whom they will coral between the posts whilst they claim the rest of the pitch for themselves.
The Americans will not be there until half time. In future years they will alter the records to show that the game only began at half time and that they were in fact the most important team in the tournament. Hollywood will make a film called "Saving No8 Lyle".
Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marsaillaise and hold the rest of the side to ransom.
The Italian team will arrive in red sports cars, sexually harass the female stewards and then run away.
The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch, mow it and then claim that it was all in line with the European "grass quotas". They will then curl up under the posts and have a kip until half time.
The Japanese will attempt to strengthen their team by offering good salaries to the key opposition players (over 35) and then run around the pitch at high speed in a highly efficient manner before buying the ground (with a subsidy from the UK Government).
The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that the opposition are in fact all infected with BSE. They will then park lorries across the halfway line, let sheep lose in the opposition half and burn the officials.
Unfortunately the Welsh suggestion has been vetoed by the RSPCA.
The Australians will have a barbie before negotiating lucrative singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite their mates to come and live with them in Shepherds Bush before beating up all the women on the touchline.
The English team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air and attach bells to their ankles for a while before moaning about how they invented the game, and gave it to the world, and how it's not fair that everyone can beat them at it now.
The Scottish (Len's team will chant "You lookin' at me Jimmy?" before smashing an Irn Bru bottle over their opponent's heads.
The Irish team will spilt into two, with the Southern half performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional Route from their dressing room to the pitch, via the Southern Half's dressing room.
The Argentineans will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition territory, claim it as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and then be forcibly removed by the Stewards.
Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important than the other thirteen whom they will coral between the posts whilst they claim the rest of the pitch for themselves.
The Americans will not be there until half time. In future years they will alter the records to show that the game only began at half time and that they were in fact the most important team in the tournament. Hollywood will make a film called "Saving No8 Lyle".
Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marsaillaise and hold the rest of the side to ransom.
The Italian team will arrive in red sports cars, sexually harass the female stewards and then run away.
The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch, mow it and then claim that it was all in line with the European "grass quotas". They will then curl up under the posts and have a kip until half time.
The Japanese will attempt to strengthen their team by offering good salaries to the key opposition players (over 35) and then run around the pitch at high speed in a highly efficient manner before buying the ground (with a subsidy from the UK Government).
The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that the opposition are in fact all infected with BSE. They will then park lorries across the halfway line, let sheep lose in the opposition half and burn the officials.
Unfortunately the Welsh suggestion has been vetoed by the RSPCA.
The Australians will have a barbie before negotiating lucrative singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite their mates to come and live with them in Shepherds Bush before beating up all the women on the touchline.
The English team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air and attach bells to their ankles for a while before moaning about how they invented the game, and gave it to the world, and how it's not fair that everyone can beat them at it now.
Rugby Positions
Well I thought I would give out a definative guide to rugby so I'm starting with postions ....... here goes
The Pack: Eight handsome burly guys whom you'd want to marry your daughter. They are intelligent, elegant, sensitive and sweet. Truly the ideal men.
The Backs: Seven guys who will take advantage of your womenfolk, and all tubular household objects. Often dine on quiche, brie and wine. Regularly take blow dryers on road trips and wear bikini underpants.
Prop: Short but stout, these strapping men support the hooker, but no money ever changes hands and the act is never specifically named.
Hooker: Often identified by a balding spot atop the head, these vertically-challenged but talented men stand between the two props and secure the ball for their team during scrummages.
Second Row: These tall powerful men are the driving engines not only of the scrum, but of the entire game. They can be found working their magic from deep in the scrum, behind the front row, or lofting high above the line outs pulling balls from the air.
The Back Row: Usually the most handsome and intelligent, these three men of stamina and strength are often considered the Renaissance men of the rugby field. They not only control ball, but the entire pitch. Remember, the back row defines the whole team's style of play. "They are the game."
Scrum Half: The point guard of the rugby team, the scrumhalf distributes the ball, runs hits and kicks. The scrumhalf is only half as handsome and burly as the pack members.
Fly Half: The first of those back guys, and the first of the offensive chain. Often confused with an insect, may be referred to as the man with "the foot."
Centers: Another pair of those back guys. Either power runner or annoying scampering guy usually found in the opposite order, but whose only purpose is to get the ball to the wing.
Wings: Ideally the fastest men on the team. Their job is to "score with the ball," but they often confuse it with "get tackled with the ball." Aslo an excellent snack when smothered in hot sauce and deep fried.
Fullback: The last line of defense. A back even the pack can appreciate, often viewed as a back row in the larval stage.
The Pack: Eight handsome burly guys whom you'd want to marry your daughter. They are intelligent, elegant, sensitive and sweet. Truly the ideal men.
The Backs: Seven guys who will take advantage of your womenfolk, and all tubular household objects. Often dine on quiche, brie and wine. Regularly take blow dryers on road trips and wear bikini underpants.
Prop: Short but stout, these strapping men support the hooker, but no money ever changes hands and the act is never specifically named.
Hooker: Often identified by a balding spot atop the head, these vertically-challenged but talented men stand between the two props and secure the ball for their team during scrummages.
Second Row: These tall powerful men are the driving engines not only of the scrum, but of the entire game. They can be found working their magic from deep in the scrum, behind the front row, or lofting high above the line outs pulling balls from the air.
The Back Row: Usually the most handsome and intelligent, these three men of stamina and strength are often considered the Renaissance men of the rugby field. They not only control ball, but the entire pitch. Remember, the back row defines the whole team's style of play. "They are the game."
Scrum Half: The point guard of the rugby team, the scrumhalf distributes the ball, runs hits and kicks. The scrumhalf is only half as handsome and burly as the pack members.
Fly Half: The first of those back guys, and the first of the offensive chain. Often confused with an insect, may be referred to as the man with "the foot."
Centers: Another pair of those back guys. Either power runner or annoying scampering guy usually found in the opposite order, but whose only purpose is to get the ball to the wing.
Wings: Ideally the fastest men on the team. Their job is to "score with the ball," but they often confuse it with "get tackled with the ball." Aslo an excellent snack when smothered in hot sauce and deep fried.
Fullback: The last line of defense. A back even the pack can appreciate, often viewed as a back row in the larval stage.
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