Well, the first part of Xmas is now over and we now start to get ready for the new year celebrations.
But let's look back at this xmas. I finally got a copy of the Wanderers on DVD which stupid as it sounds is probably my favourite film of all time. Along with that I got a Patricia Cornwall book, the complete DVD collection of American Pie. The standard several pairs of socks and underwear (of course).
Unfortunately Tracey had to go back to work on Wednesday so since then it's been a bit of a come down. I wish that she didn't have to go back, not because there is plenty for her to be doing at home but more the fact that the our time together is strained because she has had to go to work and I am not back until the 4th jan.
I wish you all now a happy new year. And to my wife I say
Thankyou for a wonderful year and a wonderful family.
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
ELVIRA
Mistress of the dark!!!!
This is my daughter on halloween a bit different from her disco nite!!
This is my daughter on halloween a bit different from her disco nite!!
Saturday, November 20, 2004
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Brussels
Well we finaly made it to Brussels. Although for not long enough as far as both Tracey and myself were concerned. But I must say what a lovely City it is, (Although the Hotel could have been better). We did get to see a few sights Including the weeing boy!!.
We had a lovely meal Sunday night. Well I thought it was lovely but no doubt Tracey will tell you all how she didn't really like the taste of the meat but that's her story to pass on and I will leave it at that.
Already planning to be back in Brussels next April/May for a longer stay.
Here we are in the Square :)
We had a lovely meal Sunday night. Well I thought it was lovely but no doubt Tracey will tell you all how she didn't really like the taste of the meat but that's her story to pass on and I will leave it at that.
Already planning to be back in Brussels next April/May for a longer stay.
Here we are in the Square :)
Another Sunday
OK
Feeling good.
Felling real good.
Team I coach at Rugby won today !!!!!
Second win of the season ...... Doing better than the team I support "Harlequins"
Really should explain everything. This year was meant to be my year off from coaching but ....as is the way ....something went wrong and the coach they were going to have this year, after 2 losing matches, decided that he wasn't going to coach. Hence I was asked to come out of retirement and coach the team again.
Well I spoke with my Darling wife Tracey and she agreed to allow me to go back to the team.
So there I am ....with a team that had just gone through 2 HEAVY defeats last one being 87 - 7 and no we weren't playing cricket. Team moral was very low ...... and the team virtually at the give up point.
So Thursday 14th October I went to the team changing room and told them I was coming back to coach them ...... the cheer was deafening ..... and made me fell humbled ..... and ashamed that I had wanted time off for myself. We had a good training session that evening and all the lads worked hard ..... without arguement for the duration of the session.
Sunday morning came and the Match was against Southampton, (This is the team that I played all my Rugby at before injury forced me out of the game)
After a hard fought battle on the pitch my team came away the winners. I don't know how to explain the differance but it was there ...... It's hard to know what the reason behind the complete turnaround was, but we had the same team members that we had started the season with.
Anyway .... on to the next week and the 1st round of the Hampshire cup. We had been drawn against Portsmouth (last years county champions, and undoubtedly one of the best teams in the area) So it looked like another cricket score was about to be dished out to us ........ And it started ..... 5 minutes into the game and Portsmouth had crossed our lines for a try ..... Just as I was begining to figure out how many 5 minutes there were in the match, and how many tries were going to be scored against us ..... the little buggers went and scored against Portsmouth ...... They also managed to convert the try ....geez .... 7 minutes into the game and it was 7 - 5 to us ...... The whole Portsmouth team (including the coaches) seemed to go into shock. Me ...I was looking for a de-fribulater to restart my heart. Anyway we didn't win ....but Portsmouth knew they had been in a match and were full of complements for my team ........
The next week was a bit of a let down ........ Still feeling big headed about the comlements from the Portsmouth coaches they went into the match feeling like they were untouchable ..... Big Mistake ...... New milton in the first half took them apart ...to the sum of 39 points ...... to nil.
So a wake up call at the start of the second half from me seemed to have the desired effect ..... Second half saw the team pull their socks up start putting the tackles in and win the second half 10 - o .... unfortunately that still made the final score 10 - 39.
So to today .... we go up to basingstoke for a meeting with yet another of the top sides in the county ..... We came away the victors after a hard fought match . ..... The match was played in 3 20 minute segments ..... looking at the Basingstoke bench there replacements for that age group were all pretty small yet ......... After the first 20 minute segment And some of the other Basingstoke teams training sessions were drawing to a close .....they suddenly seemed to have all these big "Under 14's" around ......... and on the pitch .... well it made the match much harder for my lads but ....we still came away victors .......
If you want to keep up with the team and how it's progressing ....the Link is here
http://uk.geocities.com/andykidderfc/fixturesu14.html
So today feels pretty good
Feeling good.
Felling real good.
Team I coach at Rugby won today !!!!!
Second win of the season ...... Doing better than the team I support "Harlequins"
Really should explain everything. This year was meant to be my year off from coaching but ....as is the way ....something went wrong and the coach they were going to have this year, after 2 losing matches, decided that he wasn't going to coach. Hence I was asked to come out of retirement and coach the team again.
Well I spoke with my Darling wife Tracey and she agreed to allow me to go back to the team.
So there I am ....with a team that had just gone through 2 HEAVY defeats last one being 87 - 7 and no we weren't playing cricket. Team moral was very low ...... and the team virtually at the give up point.
So Thursday 14th October I went to the team changing room and told them I was coming back to coach them ...... the cheer was deafening ..... and made me fell humbled ..... and ashamed that I had wanted time off for myself. We had a good training session that evening and all the lads worked hard ..... without arguement for the duration of the session.
Sunday morning came and the Match was against Southampton, (This is the team that I played all my Rugby at before injury forced me out of the game)
After a hard fought battle on the pitch my team came away the winners. I don't know how to explain the differance but it was there ...... It's hard to know what the reason behind the complete turnaround was, but we had the same team members that we had started the season with.
Anyway .... on to the next week and the 1st round of the Hampshire cup. We had been drawn against Portsmouth (last years county champions, and undoubtedly one of the best teams in the area) So it looked like another cricket score was about to be dished out to us ........ And it started ..... 5 minutes into the game and Portsmouth had crossed our lines for a try ..... Just as I was begining to figure out how many 5 minutes there were in the match, and how many tries were going to be scored against us ..... the little buggers went and scored against Portsmouth ...... They also managed to convert the try ....geez .... 7 minutes into the game and it was 7 - 5 to us ...... The whole Portsmouth team (including the coaches) seemed to go into shock. Me ...I was looking for a de-fribulater to restart my heart. Anyway we didn't win ....but Portsmouth knew they had been in a match and were full of complements for my team ........
The next week was a bit of a let down ........ Still feeling big headed about the comlements from the Portsmouth coaches they went into the match feeling like they were untouchable ..... Big Mistake ...... New milton in the first half took them apart ...to the sum of 39 points ...... to nil.
So a wake up call at the start of the second half from me seemed to have the desired effect ..... Second half saw the team pull their socks up start putting the tackles in and win the second half 10 - o .... unfortunately that still made the final score 10 - 39.
So to today .... we go up to basingstoke for a meeting with yet another of the top sides in the county ..... We came away the victors after a hard fought match . ..... The match was played in 3 20 minute segments ..... looking at the Basingstoke bench there replacements for that age group were all pretty small yet ......... After the first 20 minute segment And some of the other Basingstoke teams training sessions were drawing to a close .....they suddenly seemed to have all these big "Under 14's" around ......... and on the pitch .... well it made the match much harder for my lads but ....we still came away victors .......
If you want to keep up with the team and how it's progressing ....the Link is here
http://uk.geocities.com/andykidderfc/fixturesu14.html
So today feels pretty good
Saturday, October 23, 2004
Worrying !!!!
I just finished reading this book by Shaun Hutson. It really gives a sad but pretty accurate view of how the liberalism in our country has changed the way we are able to deal with those children in our own neighbourhoods that do not want to stay within the laws that society lays down for our protection.
I don't know if it was the writers intention to paint such a grim picture of how far down the slope to anarchy we have let these bleeding heart liberals take us. But one look at the news for each day would show that we are getting there at a rate of knots.
I understand the reasons for such laws as not being able to smack a child, no caning in schools anymore, etc. etc. But really there should only be so much disrespect, abuse that any adult should have to take before there are reprocutions.
As shown in the book. When nothing could be done about the offenders, people took it into their own hands to catch and punish the said offenders. Although the punishment that was dished out was severe by anyone's standards.
How long do you think it will be before Society does take the law into it's own hands, bypasses the legal system altogether and we become a nation of vigilantes, and in so doing start breaking the laws we have held in esteem and sought the protection of. If any of you out there get the chance, then read this book. It will scare you !!!
I don't know if it was the writers intention to paint such a grim picture of how far down the slope to anarchy we have let these bleeding heart liberals take us. But one look at the news for each day would show that we are getting there at a rate of knots.
I understand the reasons for such laws as not being able to smack a child, no caning in schools anymore, etc. etc. But really there should only be so much disrespect, abuse that any adult should have to take before there are reprocutions.
As shown in the book. When nothing could be done about the offenders, people took it into their own hands to catch and punish the said offenders. Although the punishment that was dished out was severe by anyone's standards.
How long do you think it will be before Society does take the law into it's own hands, bypasses the legal system altogether and we become a nation of vigilantes, and in so doing start breaking the laws we have held in esteem and sought the protection of. If any of you out there get the chance, then read this book. It will scare you !!!
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
My Car !!!!!!!!
Have you seen what the wife's done to my car. She only borrowed it to meet a friend :) ...... Just kidding
Monday, October 11, 2004
Tooth Ache!!!!
Well after having a Chinese take away on Friday night and trying to bite into a chicken ball that made a ball bearing seem like putty. One of my teeth decided it had had enough.
To "cap" it all it was one of my wisdom teeth at the back.
Now I haven't been registered with a dentist for about 3 years now and so the search started this morning (Monday) for a dentist. You would think it wouldn't be that hard but, it was. The first one I tried was suggested by Tracey on information from a neighbour of ours. This turned out to be a clinic rather than a surgery. The difference, well I didn't think there was one, but apparently this clinic only took referrals from Doctors. So that one went out of the window.
The next one was a Dentist I remembered from my far off youth. Who had not only changed names but also gone from a NHS dentist to a private Dentist. So at a cost of £130 for the extraction £40 for the Xray, and about £20 for the examination before the extraction. It was starting to look like £200 worth of dentistry. And he still wouldn't be able to see me until later this afternoon.
Not perturbed I decided to try another place my darling wife Tracey had suggested. So off I went to see if he was available. I walked into the surgery and spoke to the receptionist, explaining my problem. Well stood behind me was the dentist himself. Who said he would see me straight away. After a quick examination, and an Xray, he gave me an injection in the gum and asked me to wait in reception for a while. 15 minutes later I was called back in, where he gave me 2 more injections and then said he was just going to check the tooth. 10 seconds later it was all over, and I didn't even notice him pulling it out. The total cost was being added up by the receptionist. Well I pulled out my wad of notes and got ready for my big bill, thankful that the offending tooth had been removed. Before giving me the bill she asked me when I wanted my next appointment (as after 3 years there is a lot of work to be done in my mouth). So we arranged the next appointment and she told me the cost of this one. Well I could have fainted. After being told the cost by the other dentist I was really not ready for how much the actual job was going to cost with this dentist.
Are you ready for this
It'll shock you
Total cost for : Examination, xray, 3 injections and extraction was
just short of
£25:00
What a difference NHS makes.
Final point, Tracey has had to put up with my moaning about the tooth all weekend. So I appologise to her here and now for not listening to her in the first place.
To "cap" it all it was one of my wisdom teeth at the back.
Now I haven't been registered with a dentist for about 3 years now and so the search started this morning (Monday) for a dentist. You would think it wouldn't be that hard but, it was. The first one I tried was suggested by Tracey on information from a neighbour of ours. This turned out to be a clinic rather than a surgery. The difference, well I didn't think there was one, but apparently this clinic only took referrals from Doctors. So that one went out of the window.
The next one was a Dentist I remembered from my far off youth. Who had not only changed names but also gone from a NHS dentist to a private Dentist. So at a cost of £130 for the extraction £40 for the Xray, and about £20 for the examination before the extraction. It was starting to look like £200 worth of dentistry. And he still wouldn't be able to see me until later this afternoon.
Not perturbed I decided to try another place my darling wife Tracey had suggested. So off I went to see if he was available. I walked into the surgery and spoke to the receptionist, explaining my problem. Well stood behind me was the dentist himself. Who said he would see me straight away. After a quick examination, and an Xray, he gave me an injection in the gum and asked me to wait in reception for a while. 15 minutes later I was called back in, where he gave me 2 more injections and then said he was just going to check the tooth. 10 seconds later it was all over, and I didn't even notice him pulling it out. The total cost was being added up by the receptionist. Well I pulled out my wad of notes and got ready for my big bill, thankful that the offending tooth had been removed. Before giving me the bill she asked me when I wanted my next appointment (as after 3 years there is a lot of work to be done in my mouth). So we arranged the next appointment and she told me the cost of this one. Well I could have fainted. After being told the cost by the other dentist I was really not ready for how much the actual job was going to cost with this dentist.
Are you ready for this
It'll shock you
Total cost for : Examination, xray, 3 injections and extraction was
just short of
£25:00
What a difference NHS makes.
Final point, Tracey has had to put up with my moaning about the tooth all weekend. So I appologise to her here and now for not listening to her in the first place.
Sunday, October 10, 2004
Sunday Mornings
This how my Sunday mornings usually end up. Me in the middle of the field with the ref's whistle, and 30 kids trying to beat hell out of each other :). This is my one great passion. (After my beloved wife of course)
A must for next time in Bruges
A must for next time in Bruges. Last time there we did the water ride, next time will be the horse drawn carriage.
Tracey and Belgian chocs
Tracey and Belgian chocs :) She (we) just couldn't get enough of them, Although you won't find a picture of me stuffing my face :)
Our Favourite European City
Our Favourite European City Bruges. Tracey and I visited there when the kids were in portugal and absolutely fell in love with this City. We plan to be there again in November
Monday, October 04, 2004
Just like a woman!!!!!!
Two whales are swimming in the ocean when they see a whaling ship in the distance.
The male whale realises that it's the same one that killed his parents so he turns to the female whale and asks if she'll help him get his revenge.
She's a little apprehensive but he manages to talk her round, so they go up to the either side of the boat and start to blow through their blowholes,rocking the boat until it capsizes.
The male whale starts to eat all the sailors when he notices the female whale swimming away. He chases after her and when he catches up says,
'Whereare you going?'
to which she replies, 'Listen, I agreed to the blow job, but if you think I'm swallowing any seamen you've got another thing coming!'
The male whale realises that it's the same one that killed his parents so he turns to the female whale and asks if she'll help him get his revenge.
She's a little apprehensive but he manages to talk her round, so they go up to the either side of the boat and start to blow through their blowholes,rocking the boat until it capsizes.
The male whale starts to eat all the sailors when he notices the female whale swimming away. He chases after her and when he catches up says,
'Whereare you going?'
to which she replies, 'Listen, I agreed to the blow job, but if you think I'm swallowing any seamen you've got another thing coming!'
Saturday, August 28, 2004
Bank Holiday
Well here we are at the August Bank Holiday. We have already taken the kids to Chessington theme park. And are now set for a peaceful weekend. Yeah right!.
Yesterday I spent all afternoon re-installing all the drivers and software on the "better" computer. (The one that doesn't take half a day to load each page), only to be told that one of the kids is having a friend sleepover. I admit my reply was "Not again". "She had a friend staying Tuesday night, so who's staying tonight?" Same friend was the reply. At this rate I think we need a bigger house.
So back to my peaceful weekend. Today (Saturday) I have to do some work on the car. Change the front brake pads, repair the electric window and start sorting out the rust spots. So no peace today. Tomorrow (Sunday) I am going to continue with repairs (i.e. whatever I didn't get done today) until the afternoon when we are going to a friends BBQ in Whiteparish. Then on Monday, if the weather is good, I will be helping the Husband of one of my darling wifes friends with some building work (Namely kennels) at their bungalow. So where is the peaceful weekend.
Oh well, rugby season starts again next week so this was my last weekend of peace.What with going to see Harlequins (both my son and myself are season ticket holders). Refereeing Rugby matches (I'm a qualified referee) and coaching on a Sunday morning at Eastleigh (Now there I am involved far too much really). So I hope everybody else gets a rest.
Yesterday I spent all afternoon re-installing all the drivers and software on the "better" computer. (The one that doesn't take half a day to load each page), only to be told that one of the kids is having a friend sleepover. I admit my reply was "Not again". "She had a friend staying Tuesday night, so who's staying tonight?" Same friend was the reply. At this rate I think we need a bigger house.
So back to my peaceful weekend. Today (Saturday) I have to do some work on the car. Change the front brake pads, repair the electric window and start sorting out the rust spots. So no peace today. Tomorrow (Sunday) I am going to continue with repairs (i.e. whatever I didn't get done today) until the afternoon when we are going to a friends BBQ in Whiteparish. Then on Monday, if the weather is good, I will be helping the Husband of one of my darling wifes friends with some building work (Namely kennels) at their bungalow. So where is the peaceful weekend.
Oh well, rugby season starts again next week so this was my last weekend of peace.What with going to see Harlequins (both my son and myself are season ticket holders). Refereeing Rugby matches (I'm a qualified referee) and coaching on a Sunday morning at Eastleigh (Now there I am involved far too much really). So I hope everybody else gets a rest.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
What a Week
What a week it has been. Spent the end of last week laying some tiles down the hall. Then we decided we were having a weekend off and going away. So off we trot to Alton Towers, staying at the Hanover International Hotel in Ashbourne over night. Well as I hadn't managed to get much sleep on Thursday night, by the time we hit Newbury (not Winchester as the wife so elequently stated in her diary http://traceyk.blogspot.com/) I was totally shattered and Tracey offered to drive. Well just typical, the minute Tracey starts driving we seem to hit every traffic jam between Southampton and Birmingham. Consequently a 3 hour journey turned into a 6 hour one.
So we arrive at the hotel just after 8:00 p.m., dump the bags in the room and go to down to dinner. The meal was quite good but I think the chef needs lessons in how to cook vegetables. My runner beans were so hard I could have stuck flights on them and used them as darts. After dinner it was coffee and a smoke in the lounge before heading to the room. We watched the final of big brother before going to sleep and that Portugeezer won. How sad we are.
The breakfast was a buffet affair with full English breakfast, (So naturally we stuffed ourselves). And off we went to Alton Towers. This was my first time at AT and although I found the whole day tremendous there were a few problems that really need to be addressed.
Firstly, upon arrival (Having pre booked our tickets over the web) we had to que for over an hour to collect said tickets. I thought that pre booking would make things faster but NO.
Secondly, the ques were so long for each ride that it took an hour before you reached the ride itself. If it wasn't fot the nice people we met on the conga river ride we would have only managed a couple of rides all the time we were there.
But we did them all. and lived to tell the tale.
Arriving back home Saturday night by Sunday morning it was straight back in to the decorating bit, with me finishing off laying the downstairs tiles and Tracey painting. We had to go and get some more bits for the job, so about 10:00 a.m. we shot off to B&Q. Suddenly my beloved darling Wife (who watches too much T.V.) remembered that we had a carpet (Or rather carpet tiles) upstairs in the bathroom. And this programme she watched said that there were allsorts of bactiria and germs living in bathroom carpets. So a decision was made to tile the bathroom as well. Which I have just finished cleaning after laying them and grouting. which is the reason for nothing being written in over a week. Not even a joke to keep y'all going.
So we arrive at the hotel just after 8:00 p.m., dump the bags in the room and go to down to dinner. The meal was quite good but I think the chef needs lessons in how to cook vegetables. My runner beans were so hard I could have stuck flights on them and used them as darts. After dinner it was coffee and a smoke in the lounge before heading to the room. We watched the final of big brother before going to sleep and that Portugeezer won. How sad we are.
The breakfast was a buffet affair with full English breakfast, (So naturally we stuffed ourselves). And off we went to Alton Towers. This was my first time at AT and although I found the whole day tremendous there were a few problems that really need to be addressed.
Firstly, upon arrival (Having pre booked our tickets over the web) we had to que for over an hour to collect said tickets. I thought that pre booking would make things faster but NO.
Secondly, the ques were so long for each ride that it took an hour before you reached the ride itself. If it wasn't fot the nice people we met on the conga river ride we would have only managed a couple of rides all the time we were there.
But we did them all. and lived to tell the tale.
Arriving back home Saturday night by Sunday morning it was straight back in to the decorating bit, with me finishing off laying the downstairs tiles and Tracey painting. We had to go and get some more bits for the job, so about 10:00 a.m. we shot off to B&Q. Suddenly my beloved darling Wife (who watches too much T.V.) remembered that we had a carpet (Or rather carpet tiles) upstairs in the bathroom. And this programme she watched said that there were allsorts of bactiria and germs living in bathroom carpets. So a decision was made to tile the bathroom as well. Which I have just finished cleaning after laying them and grouting. which is the reason for nothing being written in over a week. Not even a joke to keep y'all going.
Saturday, July 31, 2004
WifeSpeak Translated
"The Modern Man's Guide to Understanding His Wife"
--------- ------- ----------
* You want <==> You want
* We need <==> I want
* It's your decision <==> The right decision should be obvious by now
* Do what you want <==> You'll pay for this later
* We need to talk <==> I need to complain
* Sure,... go ahead <==> I don't want you to
* I'm hungry <==> (a) Make me something to eat (b) Stop what you are doing, scrape together
your last££s, and go drive across town and get me something to eat. ... I don't care if what you are doing is important.
* I'm not upset <==> Of course I'm upset, you moron
* You're,... so manly <==> You need a shave and you sweat a lot
* You're certainly attentive tonight <==> Is sex all you ever think about?
* I'm not emotional! <==> I'm having my period And I'm not over- reacting!
* Be romantic, turn out the lights. <==> I have flabby thighs
* This kitchen is so inconvenient <==> I want a new house
* The car is empty <==> Go fill it up
* The trash is full <==> Take it out
* The dog is barking <==> Go outside in your underwear and see what is wrong
* I want new curtains <==> and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
* I need wedding shoes <==> the other 40 pair are the wrong shade of white
* Hang the picture there <==> NO! I mean hang it there!
* I heard a noise <==> I noticed you were almost asleep
* Do you love me? <==> I'm going to ask for something expensive
* How much do you love me? <==> I did something today you're really not going to like
In answer to "What's Wrong?"
* Nothing <==> Everything
* Everything <==> My PMS is acting up
* Nothing, really <==> It's just that you're such an asshole
* I don't want to talk <==> Go away, I'm still building up steam. about it
--------- ------- ----------
* You want <==> You want
* We need <==> I want
* It's your decision <==> The right decision should be obvious by now
* Do what you want <==> You'll pay for this later
* We need to talk <==> I need to complain
* Sure,... go ahead <==> I don't want you to
* I'm hungry <==> (a) Make me something to eat (b) Stop what you are doing, scrape together
your last££s, and go drive across town and get me something to eat. ... I don't care if what you are doing is important.
* I'm not upset <==> Of course I'm upset, you moron
* You're,... so manly <==> You need a shave and you sweat a lot
* You're certainly attentive tonight <==> Is sex all you ever think about?
* I'm not emotional! <==> I'm having my period And I'm not over- reacting!
* Be romantic, turn out the lights. <==> I have flabby thighs
* This kitchen is so inconvenient <==> I want a new house
* The car is empty <==> Go fill it up
* The trash is full <==> Take it out
* The dog is barking <==> Go outside in your underwear and see what is wrong
* I want new curtains <==> and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
* I need wedding shoes <==> the other 40 pair are the wrong shade of white
* Hang the picture there <==> NO! I mean hang it there!
* I heard a noise <==> I noticed you were almost asleep
* Do you love me? <==> I'm going to ask for something expensive
* How much do you love me? <==> I did something today you're really not going to like
In answer to "What's Wrong?"
* Nothing <==> Everything
* Everything <==> My PMS is acting up
* Nothing, really <==> It's just that you're such an asshole
* I don't want to talk <==> Go away, I'm still building up steam. about it
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
A Beer is better than a woman!!
A beer won't make you go to church.
A beer is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor" than a woman.
A beer doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
A beer doesn't think DOS is pronounced "dose."
A beer doesn't give a [expletive deleted] if you keep a bunch of other beers around.
There is NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO reason number six.
A beer will not insist that those odious Michelin commercials with the babies are "cute."
If a beer leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while.
A beer will not call you a sexist pig if you say "doberman" instead of "doberperson."
A beer won't get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of lesbian folk music on yer fave radio station.
A beer won't claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads.
A beer won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up.
If you mention a "three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8" around a beer, it won't think you're talking about an enormous can of vegetable juice.
A beer won't whine that seatbelts hurt.
A beer won't smoke in your car.
A beer won't argue that there's no difference between shooting down an unidentified aircraft in a war zone and blowing a Korean airliner out of the sky.
A beer will never buy a car with automatic transmission.
A beer will actually support belching and farting and share yer enthusiasm for getting them included as demonstration sports in the 1992 Olympic Games in Barcelona.
A beer is always ready to leave on time.
A beer never fishes for compliments.
Some beers (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits.
Beer tastes good.
If you take a beer outta the fridge just to look at it but then decide to drink it, the beer won't accuse you of "date rape."
A beer won't raise any objections to an evening of watching "John Holmes' Greatest Hits" on yer VCR.
An ice-cold beer will nonetheless let you have your way with it.
A beer won't think the Circle Jerks are gross just because they're called the Circle Jerks. (They are gross, but that's not why).
A beer won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to the grocery store.
A beer won't accuse you of lying when you say you read Playboy "just for the articles." (You are lying, but the beer won't accuse you of it).
A beer won't worry that you'll go to jail if you videotape a Giants game without the expressed, written consent of the National Football League.
A beer won't fill up your car with cheesy 85-octane gas with the excuse "but I saved a quarter!"
A beer will never make you go to a Swedish movie.
A beer will never make you turn off "Fists of Fury Theater" on channel 5 on Saturday afternoons.
A beer won't accuse you of being a sexist pig if you say "Gene Hackman" instead of "Gene Hackperson."
A beer won't make you eat some experimental vegetarian meal that tastes like STP Oil Treatment.
A beer is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor" than a woman.
A beer doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
A beer doesn't think DOS is pronounced "dose."
A beer doesn't give a [expletive deleted] if you keep a bunch of other beers around.
There is NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO reason number six.
A beer will not insist that those odious Michelin commercials with the babies are "cute."
If a beer leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while.
A beer will not call you a sexist pig if you say "doberman" instead of "doberperson."
A beer won't get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of lesbian folk music on yer fave radio station.
A beer won't claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads.
A beer won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up.
If you mention a "three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8" around a beer, it won't think you're talking about an enormous can of vegetable juice.
A beer won't whine that seatbelts hurt.
A beer won't smoke in your car.
A beer won't argue that there's no difference between shooting down an unidentified aircraft in a war zone and blowing a Korean airliner out of the sky.
A beer will never buy a car with automatic transmission.
A beer will actually support belching and farting and share yer enthusiasm for getting them included as demonstration sports in the 1992 Olympic Games in Barcelona.
A beer is always ready to leave on time.
A beer never fishes for compliments.
Some beers (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits.
Beer tastes good.
If you take a beer outta the fridge just to look at it but then decide to drink it, the beer won't accuse you of "date rape."
A beer won't raise any objections to an evening of watching "John Holmes' Greatest Hits" on yer VCR.
An ice-cold beer will nonetheless let you have your way with it.
A beer won't think the Circle Jerks are gross just because they're called the Circle Jerks. (They are gross, but that's not why).
A beer won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to the grocery store.
A beer won't accuse you of lying when you say you read Playboy "just for the articles." (You are lying, but the beer won't accuse you of it).
A beer won't worry that you'll go to jail if you videotape a Giants game without the expressed, written consent of the National Football League.
A beer won't fill up your car with cheesy 85-octane gas with the excuse "but I saved a quarter!"
A beer will never make you go to a Swedish movie.
A beer will never make you turn off "Fists of Fury Theater" on channel 5 on Saturday afternoons.
A beer won't accuse you of being a sexist pig if you say "Gene Hackman" instead of "Gene Hackperson."
A beer won't make you eat some experimental vegetarian meal that tastes like STP Oil Treatment.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
The New Priest (Just for fun)
The new Priest was so nervous at his first mass that he could hardly speak. Before the second week in the pulpit he asked the bishop how he could relax. The Bishop said, "Next week, put some vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips, everything should run smoothly."
The next Sunday, the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was able to talk up a storm and felt just great. Upon returning to the rectory, however, he found a note from the Bishop...
Next time sip, rather than gulp.
There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
There are 12 Disciples, not 10.
David slew Goliath, he didn't kick the shit out of him.
We do not refer to Jesus Christ and his Apostles as "J.C. and the boys."
Next week there is a taffy pulling contest at St. Peters, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy.
We do not refer to the cross as "The Big T."
We do not refer to the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost as "Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook."
The recommended way of saying grace is not Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, Yea God!"
And last but not least, it is the "Virgin Mary," not "Mary with the cherry."
The next Sunday, the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was able to talk up a storm and felt just great. Upon returning to the rectory, however, he found a note from the Bishop...
Next time sip, rather than gulp.
There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
There are 12 Disciples, not 10.
David slew Goliath, he didn't kick the shit out of him.
We do not refer to Jesus Christ and his Apostles as "J.C. and the boys."
Next week there is a taffy pulling contest at St. Peters, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy.
We do not refer to the cross as "The Big T."
We do not refer to the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost as "Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook."
The recommended way of saying grace is not Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, Yea God!"
And last but not least, it is the "Virgin Mary," not "Mary with the cherry."
Monday, July 26, 2004
OAP's and Blair
Dear Sir,
I am a senior citizen. During the Major Administration I had an extremely good and well paying job. I took numerous holidays and had several holiday homes.
Since Tony Blair took office, I have watched my entire life change for the worse: I lost my job. I lost my two sons in that terrible Iraqi War.
I lost my home.
I lost my health insurance.
As a matter of fact, I lost virtually everything and became homeless. Adding insult to injury, when the authorities found me living like an animal, instead of helping me, they arrested me.
I will do anything to insure Tony Blairs defeat in the next election.
I will do anything that Michael Howard wants to insure that a Conservative is back in Downing Street come next year. Blair has to go.
I just thought you and your listeners would like to know how one senior citizen views the Blair Administration.
Thank you for taking the time to read my letter.
Sincerely, Sadaam Hussein
I am a senior citizen. During the Major Administration I had an extremely good and well paying job. I took numerous holidays and had several holiday homes.
Since Tony Blair took office, I have watched my entire life change for the worse: I lost my job. I lost my two sons in that terrible Iraqi War.
I lost my home.
I lost my health insurance.
As a matter of fact, I lost virtually everything and became homeless. Adding insult to injury, when the authorities found me living like an animal, instead of helping me, they arrested me.
I will do anything to insure Tony Blairs defeat in the next election.
I will do anything that Michael Howard wants to insure that a Conservative is back in Downing Street come next year. Blair has to go.
I just thought you and your listeners would like to know how one senior citizen views the Blair Administration.
Thank you for taking the time to read my letter.
Sincerely, Sadaam Hussein
British @$$holes (Formally British Airways)
Ok it's Monday, the day the kids fly out. WE are already packed, thank's to Tracey. and decide to set off early and have a leasurely drive up to Gatwick. Halfway up the A3 (M) we stop for a toilet break and ask the kids if they want some lunck and a rest before going on. Luckily they decide they want to eat at MacDonalds in the airport. So we carry on our Journey.
We arrive at Gatwick at 13:00hrs a full 3 hours before the kids are due to take off according to our "E" ticket that we recieved from British airways. We then travel up and check them in with the skyflyers desk, (As they are travelling unaccompanied). Where the lady on the desk says we have to report back to them at 13:45hrs. Ok no problems so far except they seem to want the kids there real early.
We go down and have our Macs then go back up to the desk to report in as requested. It is at this time Tracey decides to ask the attendant why they had to be back so early. She replies that the plane the kids are on takes off at 14:30hrs. So a discussion then insues regarding the take off time we were given on the "E" ticket and the actual take off time, which is a full 1 hour 30 minutes before.
So we finally got the kids off and watched as they went through the gates. We had to wait around for a little while to make sure that there were no problems with the plane and then go back to the desk and check everything was still alright before leaving the airport to drive home. So after walking around the shops for half an hour we went back to the desk. The attendant there was pleased to see us as she had been on to the ticket issuers regarding the different take off times, but she had had no response back from them.
At the end of the day it was only my determination that we leave early, and the kids lack of hunger(Or want of a MacDonolds toy) that we made the flight at all. I am sure there must have been others who had the same problem today, let us hope that they also manged to catch the flight.
THOUGHT OF THE DAY
TV NEWS - Yesterday's newspaper read to the illiterates
We arrive at Gatwick at 13:00hrs a full 3 hours before the kids are due to take off according to our "E" ticket that we recieved from British airways. We then travel up and check them in with the skyflyers desk, (As they are travelling unaccompanied). Where the lady on the desk says we have to report back to them at 13:45hrs. Ok no problems so far except they seem to want the kids there real early.
We go down and have our Macs then go back up to the desk to report in as requested. It is at this time Tracey decides to ask the attendant why they had to be back so early. She replies that the plane the kids are on takes off at 14:30hrs. So a discussion then insues regarding the take off time we were given on the "E" ticket and the actual take off time, which is a full 1 hour 30 minutes before.
So we finally got the kids off and watched as they went through the gates. We had to wait around for a little while to make sure that there were no problems with the plane and then go back to the desk and check everything was still alright before leaving the airport to drive home. So after walking around the shops for half an hour we went back to the desk. The attendant there was pleased to see us as she had been on to the ticket issuers regarding the different take off times, but she had had no response back from them.
At the end of the day it was only my determination that we leave early, and the kids lack of hunger(Or want of a MacDonolds toy) that we made the flight at all. I am sure there must have been others who had the same problem today, let us hope that they also manged to catch the flight.
THOUGHT OF THE DAY
TV NEWS - Yesterday's newspaper read to the illiterates
Sunday, July 25, 2004
About the wifes tennis coach!!
Fax form husband to wife.......
To my dear wife:
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you with your 54 years can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and value you as a good wife. therefore, after reading this fax, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary in the Chevron Hotel. Please don't be perturbed. I shall be back home before midnight."
When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining-room table :
My Dear Husband: I received your fax and thank you for your honesty. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be in the Hilton Hotel with Michael, my tennis coach, who like your secretary is also 18 years old. As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of maths,you will understand that we are in the same situation ... although with one small difference : 18 goes into 54 more often than 54 into 18 .... and therefore I won't be back before lunchtime tomorrow !
A big kiss from your wife, who really understands you ..."
To my dear wife:
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you with your 54 years can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and value you as a good wife. therefore, after reading this fax, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary in the Chevron Hotel. Please don't be perturbed. I shall be back home before midnight."
When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining-room table :
My Dear Husband: I received your fax and thank you for your honesty. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be in the Hilton Hotel with Michael, my tennis coach, who like your secretary is also 18 years old. As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of maths,you will understand that we are in the same situation ... although with one small difference : 18 goes into 54 more often than 54 into 18 .... and therefore I won't be back before lunchtime tomorrow !
A big kiss from your wife, who really understands you ..."
Another Sunday
I can't believe it's tomorrow that we send the kids off to their Grandparents in Portugal. The time seems to have gone so fast between booking the flights, (Way back in January) and now. Tracey's packed all the bags for them one main bag, and both back packs. The back packs of course are filled out with sweets, couloring books personal cd's, etc. (Isn't it amazing how mothers always think of the little things). Anyway, we are now looking contemplating 3 and a half weeks of childless house. Time enough to finish off the decorating hopefully.
So today I did the ironing with Traceys new toy. (The enviro steam cleaner). Believe it or not it came with a steam iron attachment which works far better than some of the other irons we have bought over the years. With a 1.1 litre water capacity I didn't have to keep going and getting more water to fill the iron up which made life a lot easier.
While I was doing the Ironing, Tracey took our 2 beloved little children to see the film Two Brothers. Apparently they enjoyed the film but I can say that it wouldn't have interested me so I was quite happy to stay at home. And the cost of taking 1 adult and 2 children to the pictures is enough to buy a good meal nowadays. and they wonder why cinema is dying.
So today I did the ironing with Traceys new toy. (The enviro steam cleaner). Believe it or not it came with a steam iron attachment which works far better than some of the other irons we have bought over the years. With a 1.1 litre water capacity I didn't have to keep going and getting more water to fill the iron up which made life a lot easier.
While I was doing the Ironing, Tracey took our 2 beloved little children to see the film Two Brothers. Apparently they enjoyed the film but I can say that it wouldn't have interested me so I was quite happy to stay at home. And the cost of taking 1 adult and 2 children to the pictures is enough to buy a good meal nowadays. and they wonder why cinema is dying.
Saturday, July 24, 2004
Another Weekend
Well here we are again at another weekend and more work to be done. It started off with washing the car then the wifes car as she was still busy decorating. Tracey has bought this enviro steam cleaner so I thought I'd try that out on the car interior. It worked pretty well but I think to get the inside of my car clean is gonna take a little more than one session.
As for Tracey's decorating, well thats going really well. We now have brown skirting boards and arcatrade. Which means that finger marks won't show up as much. The doors are being painted cream with the main walls being painted a sort of golden suede. She has also bought the tiles for the hall and downstairs toilet. These are a sort of mottled beige which have a texture that hopefully will allow Tyson(our Boxer dog) to stop when he runs to the door, without going through it.
But just take a guess who is going to have to lay the tiles. Yeah, you got it.
THOUGHT OF THE DAY
Man going through airport turnstile sideways, is going to bangkok.
As for Tracey's decorating, well thats going really well. We now have brown skirting boards and arcatrade. Which means that finger marks won't show up as much. The doors are being painted cream with the main walls being painted a sort of golden suede. She has also bought the tiles for the hall and downstairs toilet. These are a sort of mottled beige which have a texture that hopefully will allow Tyson(our Boxer dog) to stop when he runs to the door, without going through it.
But just take a guess who is going to have to lay the tiles. Yeah, you got it.
THOUGHT OF THE DAY
Man going through airport turnstile sideways, is going to bangkok.
Friday, July 23, 2004
Why "Another day another girl"
So why did I name my little bit of cyber space so. Well really it goes back to a day of firsts ( and some lasts).
There I was, 17 years old, and going to my first concert. It was the Lambrettas playing in bournmouth. I woke up at 6:00 a.m. excited about the day to come bathed, shaved, checked everything 3 times over i.e. wallet, tickets (Money in wallet) Suit shirt tie. Shoes polished and gleaming. Been to barbers the day before so that had been covered. Dressed and ready to go by 09:oo hrs. (Military precision coming into it) Although I wasn't leaving the house until 12:00hrs. So more coffee, more cigs and waiting, for what seemed like an eternity.
There I was, 17 years old, and going to my first concert. It was the Lambrettas playing in bournmouth. I woke up at 6:00 a.m. excited about the day to come bathed, shaved, checked everything 3 times over i.e. wallet, tickets (Money in wallet) Suit shirt tie. Shoes polished and gleaming. Been to barbers the day before so that had been covered. Dressed and ready to go by 09:oo hrs. (Military precision coming into it) Although I wasn't leaving the house until 12:00hrs. So more coffee, more cigs and waiting, for what seemed like an eternity.
12:00 hrs came, no-one outside yet, 12:15 came, still no-one outside 12:20 it sounds like a ferking race track outside with about 20 to 25 scooters of various types all revving the engines and horns blasting (well as loud as a scooter horn can blast). So I grabbed my crash helmet and shot out of the door.
We were all actually traveling down to Bournmouth by train but just decided that it would look cool (The old style cool not to be confused with kewl) to all arrive at the station together. At the station we met up with a load more MODS also traveling down. So the adventure starts.
Trip down was uneventful except for picking up even more MODS at virtually every station . But once we arrived in Bournmouth it started to get a bit exciting. As the train pulled into the station you could already here the chants starting, sounding like something out of Quadrophinia.
WE are the Mods, we are the mods, we are we are we are the mods.
WE left the station and started to walk. I had no idea where we were heading but there was such a feeling of comradarie and belonging that everyone from our group seemed to follow the pack. We walked all over Bournmouth. Down to the beach, through the shopping centre. Until finally it was time to got to the concert. By this time I don't think any of us actually knew where we were. So we asked one of the 30 or so Policemen that had been our escorts throughout the afternoon, which way to go. I should say at this point that despite what most people assumed mods were like, we had a pleasant afternoon with our uniformed guides and as far as I know caused them no problems at all. Anyway I digress.
We arrived at the centre where the Lambrettas were performing and had a great evening there. The support band wasn't bad, but the place erupted when the main band came on. We left the concert and travelled straight back to the train station, (our party that is). Only to find we had missed the last train back to Southampton so it was a night under the arches for us and about 10 or so gentlemen of the road. Who taught us how to use cardboard boxes as blankets, and to stuff our jackets etc. with newspaper as insulation.
Morning came and the station was full again of mods, not just our party got stuck there for the night. But it seems everyone else on finding out they had missed the train had headed down to the beach for an all night party, (so I missed out on my first beach party). We travelled back on the milk train where I bumped into a girl I'd been trying to chat up at he concert, bat at the time she was more interested in some "Sting Lookalike" who apparently wasn't as interested in her as she had hoped. Well needless to say I concoled her, all the way back to brockenhurst where she got off, (although I had gotton off a couple of stops before that, with her, in the wc. Three firsts there. Female on top, w.c. and train).
We arrived back into Southampton, picked the scooters up and all went off home to bed.
But back to the reason for the blog name. Well when the song "Another day another girl" was first released it was called "Page 3". But due to the Sun newspaper complaining, the name had to be changed. Well when I thought about naming this blog I thought about different names, but most had already been taken, and I didn't want to upset to many people. Then the song popped into my head (The copywrite thing and all) and hey presto ADAG was born.
As for the lasts I mentioned at the start well it was also the last time on a train and the last time I saw the Lambettas live. But I still remember the whole day with great fondness, (although I can't remember the girls bloody name)
THOUGHT OF THE DAY
Australian Imigration officer speaking to Clive Woodward at Sydney airport, October 2003.
Oz imigration officer " Do you have a criminal record"?
Clive Woodward, " I wasn't aware you still needed one to get in"
Moral of the story
If you wanna F**k a Wallaby, use a Jonny.
ENGLAND. Rugby World Champions November 2003.
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Mid week
So here we are, up to Wednesday already. Tracey's progressing well with the decorating, (I even feel a bit better about the colour scheme). We've had a bit of a problem with the puter here and our hi spec one wiped out the driver for the ISDN modem, not o bad you'd think but! It lefts its signature in the system registry and now we can't re install it or un install it. So I have had to bring the puter down from Jamie's room and change them over, (unfortunately this one is slower with smaller processor and about a 10th of the ram :( ).
I had to go to the docs this afternoon (Even though I had received a letter from them saying that my heart was sound) So off we trotted, all the way to Winchester. Arrived well on time and waited, and waited, and waited. After 1 hour and 10 minutes of waiting I asked the Nurse how much longer it was going to be, she told me there were 3 more people to see before me. Well as I had Tracey with me, and we had other plans after 7:00 p.m. I told the nurse that they could forward my notes to my own Doc here in Southampton, and I would deal direct with him. Geez, If I kept clients waiting for over an hour after making an appointment I really wouldn't get much work.
Final thought, I have found out that, even with a supposed dodgy ticker, sex is good for one (But better with 2)
I had to go to the docs this afternoon (Even though I had received a letter from them saying that my heart was sound) So off we trotted, all the way to Winchester. Arrived well on time and waited, and waited, and waited. After 1 hour and 10 minutes of waiting I asked the Nurse how much longer it was going to be, she told me there were 3 more people to see before me. Well as I had Tracey with me, and we had other plans after 7:00 p.m. I told the nurse that they could forward my notes to my own Doc here in Southampton, and I would deal direct with him. Geez, If I kept clients waiting for over an hour after making an appointment I really wouldn't get much work.
Final thought, I have found out that, even with a supposed dodgy ticker, sex is good for one (But better with 2)
Saturday, July 17, 2004
Famous Sexual Quotes
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." Tom Clancy
"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither." Steve Martin
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." Rodney Dangerfield
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL." * Lynn Lavner
"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog holiday at the taxidermist." Matt Barry
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." Camille Paglia
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant." George Burns
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." Sharon Stone
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ~ no matter what she's reading. " Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it., so I said "Thyroid problem?'" Arnold Schwarzenegger
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." * Tiger Woods
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." Jack Nicholson
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
"Ah, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." Robin Williams
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." Roseanne
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." Billy Crystal
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." Robert De Niro
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" Dustin Hoffman
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, - I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked." Jerry Seinfeld
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." Rod Stewart
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." Robin Williams
"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither." Steve Martin
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." Rodney Dangerfield
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL." * Lynn Lavner
"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog holiday at the taxidermist." Matt Barry
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." Camille Paglia
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant." George Burns
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." Sharon Stone
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ~ no matter what she's reading. " Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it., so I said "Thyroid problem?'" Arnold Schwarzenegger
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." * Tiger Woods
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." Jack Nicholson
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
"Ah, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." Robin Williams
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." Roseanne
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." Billy Crystal
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." Robert De Niro
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" Dustin Hoffman
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, - I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked." Jerry Seinfeld
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." Rod Stewart
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." Robin Williams
Weekend
Well here we are at the end of the week and I am looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend. (Some hope).
I get back from work last night and one of the first questions out of my darling wifes mouth is, " So what have you got planned for tomorrow?" "Because we have the rubbing down to do, and the paint the walls with emulsion."
So bang goes the weekend.
I get back from work last night and one of the first questions out of my darling wifes mouth is, " So what have you got planned for tomorrow?" "Because we have the rubbing down to do, and the paint the walls with emulsion."
So bang goes the weekend.
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Just for fun
Here's a joke for all those thinking that the grass is greener etc. :)
A married couple are driving along a highway doing 40mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to a 60mph.
He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases. "I want the house," he insists, pressing his luck.
Again the wife speeds up, to a 80mph. He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster. By now she's up to a 90 mph.
"All right," he says, "I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards too."
The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling.
This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife says, "No, I've got everything I need."
"Oh, really," he says, "so what have you got?"
Right before they slam into the wall at a 100 mph, the wife smiles and says, "The airbag."
A married couple are driving along a highway doing 40mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to a 60mph.
He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases. "I want the house," he insists, pressing his luck.
Again the wife speeds up, to a 80mph. He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster. By now she's up to a 90 mph.
"All right," he says, "I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards too."
The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling.
This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife says, "No, I've got everything I need."
"Oh, really," he says, "so what have you got?"
Right before they slam into the wall at a 100 mph, the wife smiles and says, "The airbag."
Following the boss
Well, after seeing what my beloved wife had written in her blog (Tracey's Space) I thought I had better put down my version of events.
My darling wife has been stripping now for just over a week (and hasn't earnt a penny from it). Unfortunately it's paint that she's been stripping from the woodwork in the hall. So nothing really to get to excited about. She is though doing a really great job, except for the plaster coming off with the wallpaper.
I, of course have been given the job of building shelves into our daughters wardrobe, So I now finish work come home and start work, it's more fun that way.
If you want to see what the wife is up to Tracey's Space
My darling wife has been stripping now for just over a week (and hasn't earnt a penny from it). Unfortunately it's paint that she's been stripping from the woodwork in the hall. So nothing really to get to excited about. She is though doing a really great job, except for the plaster coming off with the wallpaper.
I, of course have been given the job of building shelves into our daughters wardrobe, So I now finish work come home and start work, it's more fun that way.
If you want to see what the wife is up to Tracey's Space