A Beer is better than a woman!!

A beer won't make you go to church.
A beer is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor" than a woman.
A beer doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
A beer doesn't think DOS is pronounced "dose."
A beer doesn't give a [expletive deleted] if you keep a bunch of other beers around.
There is NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO reason number six.
A beer will not insist that those odious Michelin commercials with the babies are "cute."
If a beer leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while.
A beer will not call you a sexist pig if you say "doberman" instead of "doberperson."
A beer won't get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of lesbian folk music on yer fave radio station.
A beer won't claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads.
A beer won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up.
If you mention a "three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8" around a beer, it won't think you're talking about an enormous can of vegetable juice.
A beer won't whine that seatbelts hurt.
A beer won't smoke in your car.
A beer won't argue that there's no difference between shooting down an unidentified aircraft in a war zone and blowing a Korean airliner out of the sky.
A beer will never buy a car with automatic transmission.
A beer will actually support belching and farting and share yer enthusiasm for getting them included as demonstration sports in the 1992 Olympic Games in Barcelona.
A beer is always ready to leave on time.
A beer never fishes for compliments.
Some beers (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits.
Beer tastes good.
If you take a beer outta the fridge just to look at it but then decide to drink it, the beer won't accuse you of "date rape."
A beer won't raise any objections to an evening of watching "John Holmes' Greatest Hits" on yer VCR.
An ice-cold beer will nonetheless let you have your way with it.
A beer won't think the Circle Jerks are gross just because they're called the Circle Jerks. (They are gross, but that's not why).
A beer won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to the grocery store.
A beer won't accuse you of lying when you say you read Playboy "just for the articles." (You are lying, but the beer won't accuse you of it).
A beer won't worry that you'll go to jail if you videotape a Giants game without the expressed, written consent of the National Football League.
A beer won't fill up your car with cheesy 85-octane gas with the excuse "but I saved a quarter!"
A beer will never make you go to a Swedish movie.
A beer will never make you turn off "Fists of Fury Theater" on channel 5 on Saturday afternoons.
A beer won't accuse you of being a sexist pig if you say "Gene Hackman" instead of "Gene Hackperson."
A beer won't make you eat some experimental vegetarian meal that tastes like STP Oil Treatment.